I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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