We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
