i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
