so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
