Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
