A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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