She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
