Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
