Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
