We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
