this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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