if you like me you must not know who I am
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
