Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
