the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
