the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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