god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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