So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
