i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
