I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
