He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
