I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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