Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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