i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
