I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
