I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
