Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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