i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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