I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
