Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
3 2 1 whiskey
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
