there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
