She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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