Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
