if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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