Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
