dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
