Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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