i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
