as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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