Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
