this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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