She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
