I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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