What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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