Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
