We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
