Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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