I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Quick, to the slutcave!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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