how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
