Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
