How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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