wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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