I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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