New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
